6 months: New Eyes

YOU GUYS - IT FINALLY HAPPENED. It took an entire 6 months (almost to the day), but the dark circles under my eyes have disappeared!

I know this is completely trivial, but I'm still so darn pleased. I think it means this break is as good for me as it feels (or at least that's how I choose to interpret it).

From now on, I will not participate in anything that jeopardizes my new under eye bliss.

Abu Dhabi Life: Friday Brunch

Our friends baptized their new baby this weekend.

In the UAE, it's also a good occasion for going to a big ol' celebratory brunch. And in true WASPy fashion, Steve and I love a good brunch. Before moving here we had fun trying quaint little brunches all over LA, Vegas, and Seattle. And even farther back, I have hilarious memories from the cheap bottomless mimosa brunches my friends and I used to seek out across NYC in the years right after college.

But in the UAE, brunch isn't cute, or quaint, or made for rolling out of bed and stumbling towards. It's an event that requires a little advance planning, usually reservations, time to get presentable (yoga pants not recommended), a round trip taxi ride (zero tolerance alcohol policy in the UAE), and eating and drinking way too much (both are all you can eat). Oh, and it's typically on Friday since that's the primary day off here and people tend to stay for the entire brunch time - 4 hours.

And you guyyyyyyyys, brunch here costs $125 - $180 per person.

Apparently, my reaction means I haven't fully acclimated. None of our friends seems to have the same reaction, or at least not anymore. Even Steven thinks it's fine.

But of course we wanted to support and celebrate with our friends and their new bebe, so we joined in. Steve and I opted for the non-alcoholic option but time crawls when you're drinking water and iced tea.

But 4 hours is a long time when you're stone cold sober and all your friends are several drinks deep.

So when Aimee handed me a mojito 2 1/2 hours later, I happily partook.

And like magic, the rest of the brunch flew by. And so did the drinks we had at our place, and the shawarma we ordered and happily ate with our hands.

The end.

Travel: Not Cyprus

When I initially booked our Cyprus trip, I thought this weekend would be full of good hikes, great views, leaping off waterfalls, and plenty of "Ahhhhhhh" moments.

And being totally honest, I also pictured being less than graceful in some of those pursuits.

But instead, today we woke up past noon and have spent the entire day as couch potatoes...in Abu Dhabi.

Sometimes our travel plans don't work out. It's usually annoyingly benign - like when I didn't realize Bahrain's Ramadan was super strict and we opted for Prague instead, or getting on the wrong train on our way to Medoc last year, or simply that something wasn't as good as I hoped. We don't dwell on it, but still a valuable part of the whole travel experience.

But yesterday, we had to cancel our entire Cyprus trip at 2am just a handful of hours before we were supposed to depart.

First, I got a text at 1:30am from the airline saying our itinerary had changed.

And when I checked the airline website it had been replaced by a press release stating they had gone out of business 90 minutes prior and ceased all flights.

Steve and I did some quick checks to see if the trip could still be salvaged - flying in on different airlines, or even re-routing to an alternate destination.

But in the end, we opted to just cancel the whole thing and use the vacation time for a later trip.

And then we ordered a pizza and ate it in bed with a bottle of Cava, while watching HP 7-1.

Booked: Cyprus in 2 weeks!

One of the best things about living in the UAE is its physical location - there are countless places we've never been within a few short hours (by plane).

I stumbled on some airfare to Cyprus that was just too good to pass up.  So we're going for 5 days! Lately we've really enjoyed keeping our trips more flexible, and road tripping through the picturesque locations.  It worked really really for us in Croatia and France, so we're sticking to that format for Cyprus too.

We've got our plane tickets, a car, and Phoebe is confirmed for boarding. That's pretty much all we need these days.

Image courtesy of PDX International Studies

Happy October 1st

When I was 9 or 10, my parents came home with a tiny block of triangular wood, cut in the shape of Nevada. My mom had written "Happy Oct 1st" on it with a blue ball point pen and triumphantly handed it to me after I had finished practicing piano. It was a simple gesture and the wood was mostly likely a end-scrap from a lumber yard, but I cherished it. For years, it sat on display in my parents' house - first on the piano, then the glass display shelves, and then a hallway table amongst family pictures. I'm not sure if it had the same meaning for my mother, but it always reminded me of her in a moment of genuine and simple happiness, so full of light and mirth. And even though that piece of wood is long lost, the memory is a lighthouse.

Twenty-five (ish) years later, and October 1st is one of the only family traditions I still hold close. I usually call my mom to bring each other a little joy, and then I do one simple and uncomplicated thing to make myself as happy as I remember her being. A few years ago, I treated myself to 2 pieces of pie and a bottomless cup of coffee for dinner. And one year, very early in my career, I left work early to read my book in the park and enjoy the fading sun - both of which were quickly becoming precious commodities.

To this day, being immersed in a book is still one of my greatest pleasures. There are entire parts of my brain/heart/life that only come to life when reading and I've passed months, maybe even years, of my life in this state. When I first moved back here I was so excited about all the books I would inhale, and had so many things lined up to read. I had dozens of ebooks checked out or on hold from the public library, a new and maxed out Kindle Unlimited membership, and about a dozen print books squirreled away in my luggage (because nothing can replace the weight/smell/feel of those pages).

But for months, I had difficulty gripping a story the way I wanted. My head was too crowded, too full of meaningless minutiae, and too accustomed to constantly being busy. The best I could muster were a few short spurts throughout the day - often times while my mind raced across 10, 15, 20 different topics. I can't tell you how many times I had to reread the same pages.

But now, after months of working at it nearly everyday, I am finally able to read and read and read to my heart's content. I've remembered the art of emptying my mind and focusing on just one thing at a time, and enjoying it. It's a long awaited and beautiful thing, and I am oh-so-happy to be here.

So today, on this Happy October 1st, I am going to order takeout and read all night.

BOOKED: November in Nevada and Christmas-ish in Venice

We're coming back to Nevada for ~2 weeks in late November! We're planning to spend 11-12 days in Las Vegas, Reno, and where ever my Dad is (he travels). It's going to be a little crazy like always but we're looking forward to soaking up quality time with everyone we've missed.

We usually have lunch and dinner scheduled with someone different every single day, and it's exhausting but worth it. We'll probably have to be a little regimented about our schedule/dates/times, which is hard since we always end up wishing there was more time. But hopefully it will be enough time to catch up on the latest that's happening with everyone (me):

while drinking all the craft beers (Steven):

and reminding the kids what their far-flung aunt and uncle are like.

And of course, we added a little extra trip, too.

From Vegas, we're heading straight to Venice, Italy for 5 days! We have some extra vacation days at the end of our trip that we can't spend in the US (boo taxes) and I really wanted to visit a Christmas Market somewhere in Europe on our way back. (In case you weren't aware I really love Christmas.) Most of my research into the more traditional locations like Germany, Vienna, or Strasbourg didn't really jive with the way we like to travel. They all sounded kind of magical to me (especially the Ravenna Gorge Christmas Market), but Steven thought most of them sounded kind of weird. 

But then I stumbled upon some descriptions of off-peak Venice - mellow, chilly weather, beautiful fog rolling the canals, super easy reservations and no wait times, and a Christmas market selling mostly traditional and regional goods. Sounds perfect.

photo credit: Jo Rodgers for Vogue

Plus, it means eating lots of glorious Italian food. SOLD.

We can be Both

The house is quiet today but my mind and heart are so full of so many things. I don't have the right words yet but I want to document this while the feelings are still fresh. Similar to the way I felt after our France trip last year, I want to remember this swirl of heart stirs and thoughts before the pace of daily life has a chance to dull them/me.

Last week, we flew to the states to say goodbye to a very dear friend who departed too soon. His passing was very sudden, disorienting, and heartbreaking. But this isn't a post about our loss or grief - we're going to navigate those murky waters in private. Suffice it to say that Steven will have a Shawn-shaped hole in his heart forever. And I mourn that hole in my lover's heart, along with all the times I squandered the opportunity to know and love Shawn as well as I could have.

Someone once told me there are only a handful of major life events that merit a big show of love: a wedding, a birth, a life saved, and a life lost. And last week held true to that statement - somehow amidst the tears and sadness there was also a quiet and large demonstration of love. Love from everyone who dropped their busy lives to bid their old friend farewell. Love for Katie, who now outlives him, as friends and family supported her grief (or tried to in our awkward and inexperienced ways) and reassured her that Shawn made a difference in our lives and would never be forgotten. And the big, big love that radiated from Katie for her departed, with nowhere to go other than poured into the people and pursuits he loved. The beauty and sadness of this duality made my heart fracture and swell at the same time, and I felt like I understood something deep and inherent about our nature as human beings.

This ability to be both (or three, or four, or all things) helped me see the complexity, and hope, and capacity for more within us. Our hearts and lives are not bounded; they can grow and expand and do somersaults, if we let them. To be utterly heartbroken yet still able to smile, to be angry at the circumstances but tender with those around us, and to mourn the loss of one while also preparing to welcome another - those are good things worth keeping. And while I know these slices exist in every corner of every day - I haven't noticed or felt them as keenly as I do right now. Just thinking about it now makes me very achey in the chest but grateful everywhere else.

This life is precious because of the love we have for others and our vast ability to act on it.

Abu Dhabi Life: 2 months

It's been 2 months (+/- a few days) since I moved back to the UAE to be with Steven. In all, we spent 18 months/569 days living apart and even though we're not strangers to long distance, neither one of us is keen on doing it again anytime soon. This was our 4th bout of long distance in the last ~10 years and I don't know if it was the specific circumstances, our old(er) age, how much closer/more bonded we were after winging it in Dubai the previous year, or just the longer length of time - but it was the pits. So we're not going to be doing that again for a long while, hopefully ever.

But happily, the time here has flown by really quickly. I'm not even sure where to start with this post but I'm just going to posit that I have only trace amounts of culture shock this time around.

Steven isn't here right now so he can't disagree with that last statement.

I've been sitting here patiently expecting to feel the familiar WTF IS THIS culture shock/chaos that was rampant last time. But it hasn't really shown up and I'm not sure if it's just a delayed start, or if re-entry is just going to be smoother. When I think about it though, it makes sense that this time would be easier.

A quick recap since I know my posts have been sporadic and a little thin on details for a while: When we first moved to Dubai a couple years ago, every circumstance was more difficult (see here if you missed my long and emotional rants). We were new to the UAE and didn't know how anything worked or what to expect, which made it feel me really unstable. And our first house/villa didn't feel like a comfortable place since it was either almost empty (in the beginning), flooded (okay, that was just for a few hours), without running water (three separate times!), etc.  And it didn't help that we were also trying to sell our Gig Harbor house, a bit anti-social, and I was a ball of pure stress (that's just how I get sometimes). 

A day in the life (sometimes).

So it was kind of doomed to be difficult. But even so, it was still a great experience and the closeness that Sven and I achieved is the stuff (my) dreams are made of. Plus, the travel opportunities were pretty great. But I really felt like I had unfinished business in my work/my professional life, and it haunted me enough that I decided to move back to the states alone. I ended up regretting that solo move about 6 months in, but c'est la vie. We had committed to meeting some goals together and at that point it didn't make sense not to see it through. And once those goals were met, it didn't make sense to be apart.  But instead of Steven moving back to the US to join me, we changed our minds and I came back to the UAE instead.

And now I'm back here, this time in Abu Dhabi rather than Dubai. So far everything is the same in terms of what I remember of the culture, the weather, the rules, expat life, etc. But this time I feel very different - probably because Sven and I are in a different place in our marriage/life. I'm sure it also helps that we're in more comfortable digs and Steven has become so knowledgeable about how things work here. But I also think the time apart changed our perspectives and deepened our appreciation for one another in a way that's hopefully lasting.  It's really cheesy but I wake every morning grateful we get to be together this day and the next, without a plane to catch that'll take us one of us a world away. And while that feeling might eventually fade and be replaced by the mundane everyday rituals, for now the warm and fuzzy feeling still permeates my everyday. So in the present it's hard to get worked up about a non-working toilet, slightly too-warm rooms, or two flat tires in 2 weeks (yep, that happened).  Well, hard for me to get worked up - Steve is his own person.  ;)

He especially loves when I say this in response to one of those issues.

All joking aside though, I'm really content with where I am right now. I didn't end up bringing my job with me (last minute wrench), but I'm pretty pleased with how things worked out anyway. My days now are much slower paced and most of the time nothing very exciting is happening. I'm just a housewife (according to my visa), cooking up a storm, reading a bunch of books, and filling herself back up with all the things she once wanted to do/be/embody. It's boring but awesome and grounding in a way I can't quite describe yet. With each passing day I can feel the angst, the pressure, the competition, and the stress fading away as I slowly replace it with all the things I love and still want to embrace in the years to come. One day, one meal, one book, and one decision at a time.

I don't know what the upcoming months and years have in store, but that's okay because it no longer eats at me. And that, my dear ones, is the point.

Lately: Sleep Struggles

Steve has a new work schedule where he spends ~1/2 the week starting very early and ~1/2 the week on nights.  We are not adjusting as well as we'd like.

We're basically on a graveyard sleep cycle, with a couple biphasic sleep days thrown into the mix for the day shifts. It sounds easy when I write it, but the inconsistency has been rough. And keeping vampire hours is a little weird on the psyche (we're a lot less productive) and social life (it's 4am on Wednesday, everyone is sleeping). Luckily, we entertain ourselves pretty well.

And Phoebe is the very best "You're home!" greeter a person could ever ask for. She brings so much joy to each day.

But me, not so much.

All three of us are big nappers though, and it's really getting us through. We sleep at random times and for varying lengths, which I'm sure just throws in more inconsistency, but anything goes when we're trying to catch up on all the zzzz's we seem to be missing.

Every few days, we acknowledge that flipping our schedule back to being awake on days (rather than nights) is probably better from a productivity perspective. But the thought of increasing our sleep deprivation for a couple weeks while we transition...yeah, NO.

So for now, we're okay just gettin' by.

And very content with being so sleepy together.

The end.

I blog you

Hiiiii again.  More than a few of you have asked whether I'm going to keep blogging now that I'm back in the UAE.

When I started this blog in 2016 it was a practical way to keep everyone we love up to date as we moved from Washington state to Dubai. At the onset it was mostly a logistical decision; I didn't want to have the same conversation 15 times with 15 different people (I lazy). But Dubai was difficult in surprising ways and writing also became an important emotional and creative outlet for me. It was fun to share the pieces of our life with you and to hear back from you in the various forms of in person, digital, and text communication. In some ways, I think it brought us even closer to you than before.

But when I moved back to Washington in 2017 things got very meh. I didn't have the energy and rarely the inspiration so writing took a back seat and I focused on other things like Phoebe, and work, and gardening. I could have used the emotional and creative outlet just as much, but I just didn't have it in me.

And now I've been back in the UAE for ~6 weeks and it's been really, really great. The transition has been much easier (more on that later) and the "yay we're together again" glow is still firmly in place. But I just haven't felt like writing and I wasn't sure I'd ever get back to it. If you had asked me last week:

But a few days ago, Steven and I lost someone very close to our hearts. And in all the memories, and sadness, and lost opportunities swirling around I remembered why I started this blog to begin with:
to share
to connect
to be close in mind and heart even though we are far in distance
to love.

I had forgotten, but I remember now.