Travel: Medoc, remembered

I haven't stopped thinking about our trip to France trip since October. And while I think a lot about what we did and saw and ate (and drank!), I mostly remember what it taught me. I keep turning those thoughts over and over again in my mind, reconciling the ways it changed me with the way I live now. And since the New Year is often a great time for reflection, it seemed a good time to share as well.

When we booked it forever ago, I was just hoping for a fun and romantic diversion with interesting people, great food, and less hot weather (we were still in Dubai). I had no idea Steven and I would be living a world apart, that I would be back to the grind at work, and that it would be quite so deafening. How could I have possibly known, over a year in advance, how much I would need this trip and what it would do to me when it was finally experienced?

There are so many things I learned and saw for the first time, and so many moments where the quiet appreciation left me speechless. Maybe that's why it's been so hard to blog about - I don't have the words to do it justice. But really, the power of this trip was how much (and how beautifully) it reminded me of wisdom temporarily forgotten - the joys of simplicity, the love in everyday things and people, and that it's a damn shame if we never get to live the life we want.

I found this in a blog draft I wrote shortly afterwards, but never posted:

This trip was so grounding, fulfilling, and clarifying. I came back feeling at peace with myself and our life, and my heart is fuller and gentler than it's been all year (and probably longer). It's been a while since I've been able to clear my head and see through all my distractions. It given me the pause to re-align my life priorities (my whole life, not just today or next year), and remind myself of who I am and who I still want to be. It's intensely private, or at least personal, but I'm putting these fragments here because I also recognize how easily lost this kind of clarity is. I know I'll need the reminder.

Thanks self. Reminder appreciated.

Fishing the traditional French way, near St. Christoly

Sisters. Meeting these two made me love mine harder and appreciate the reasons people have babies to begin with.

In the center of St. Christoly with a wonderful group of people. (Not pictured - a baguette vending machine!)

*sigh*

Take me back

I miss being on vacation.

I miss really good truffle brie and foie gras and bulots.

But mostly, I miss my husband.

Photo credit: this awesome photo was taken by our new friend Liz. She's an American living in Europe and takes wonderful photos. She and her family have been living abroad for a long time now, and I just really loved hearing her stories and perspective on life.  Follow her on IG at @lizzylinder or @brandotheiggy to see what I mean!

Happy Halloween and Harvest Table

So many of you have been dressing up, going to parties, and/or taking the kids trick or treating. I love seeing all the photos and videos. Keep them coming!  I especially love seeing what each of the kids chose for a costume - it's such a hilarious and insightful glimpse into their little souls.

I came home feeling so inspired after the Manger workshop that I promptly went out and bought too much squash for one person and piled it all on the dining table. And then I moved the veggies from the back counter to the dining table as well, and it's a big ol' food party all the time.   

Seeing this produce bounty brings me joy in such a simple and visceral way.  Perhaps it's because I'm so drawn to well-sourced whole food, or because I feel so strongly about it, or that it reminds me of the cooking possibilities that lie ahead, or just because it's kinda pretty in a rustic way.  Whatever the combinations of reasons, I freaking love it.

Over the last week and a half, I've been making my way through the pile in the most delicious ways I can imagine: garlicky breakfast potatoes using homegrown rose fingerlings and duck fat that I rendered a few days prior, Kuri gnocchi with a brown butter and sage sauce, a variety of roasted root vegetables (some from my own garden) drizzled with homemade vinaigrette, chicken puttanesca using the last of my summer tomatoes, and of course lots of pumpkin soup.

This is what makes me happy.  So this is what I'm filling my dining table and time with this Autumn.

What about you?

illustration by Keith Ward for MotherEarthNews

Lately: Working after vacation

Coming back to work after my 2 week break was a bit of a mixed bag.  The trip allowed me to clear my head as I disconnected from the stressors of my daily life (about 90% work).  It took about a week(ish) for the fog of work to really fade away but afterwards I felt like I could see myself, Steven, and our life together with such clarity and appreciation.

Fog/shower steam, same diff

And simultaneously, the togetherness and the vacation itself filled me with all the things I adore.  It felt like my head and my heart were emptied of everything that weighed on me, and filled it with everything that lifts me up.  It was incredible.  

And then I came back full of optimism and at peace with my new-found clarity.  I went to work curious about the changes to the work itself, but still feeling the soothe of vacation.  

Monday morning

But when I said I cleared my mind, apparently I *really* did it.  I put all the details about my job on a rusty shelf in a back corner of my brain and then locked it a windowless room...and then ditched the keys in some other, known part of my brain.  

And as I reacquainted myself the old stressors showed up again, too.  But I tried to hold on to every last ounce of vacation sanity and I kept reminding myself of what's really important.  

"This is not important.  This is not important."

But that's a funny process because it involves some weird combination of me trying to stay Zen while trying to relearn everything at a dizzying pace.  And of course, my familiar malady of trying too hard to be good at things (even the ones I don't want) haunts me still.  So depending on exactly where I am in that journey, my inner dialogue is pretty varied.

When my people-pleasing, goody-two-shoes, habitual self clouds my judgment:

When I realize it:

And also realize this is the pace of my work-life:

But try to remember "This is not important"

When I achieve mental clarity mid-workday and see through all the shenanigans (and my complicit role in them)

For this weekend, my Sunday mantra:

Travel: France in Fall - sneak peek

I'm savoring every last memory, new friend, and photo from this trip. When I came back my heart was so full and my head so grounded and I really want to hold on to that for as long as possible. So I've been reminding myself of the goodness I felt every day since coming back.

One of those good things was being forced - partly by the lack of cellular, partly/gently by Sven - to unplug entirely from work and random web distractions. I still took a few snaps and shared a couple things online during the trip, but it was fairly sporadic. If you follow my Snap (heathmo.grizz) or IG (@oohheather) you may have noticed the sound of crickets. In the moments it was a combination of being too interested in the activity or company to bother, and during the lulls I was intentionally trying to break my habitual and half-hearted phone patterns. I'm trying to be more fully present in my real life by doing more outside of work, giving people and pursuits my full attention, and taking fewer meaningless photos (it just becomes mind clutter). Sometimes that means I end up not sharing anything at all (ahem, silent blog), and sometimes it means I'm sharing long after the time has passed. But in the constant struggle to re-prioritize and re-time my life, it's helping me.

But anyway, here's a smattering of photos for a sneak peek.  They're not the best photos - some are blurry and I haven't really edited them.  But I'm less concerned about that than I used to be.  The moment is shared because it was lovely and I cherished it.  And that can be enough.

Our Airbnb for the first week - a charming house in the middle of all the vineyards (and fog).

So much goodness.  And blurry, but whatev.

In Paris I couldn't resist getting a variety from the markets.  We ate it just like this - picking at it with our fingers from a towel spread on our hotel bed.  It was marvelous.  Clockwise from top - figs, semi-dried tomatoes, butter (is life), tinned octopus, bresaola (air-dried, salted beef), baguette, magret de canard (smoked Moulard duck), grapes.

Our last dinner of the trip.  Clockwise from top - foie gras, roasted peppers, chorizo, herbed goat cheese, roasted & herbed mushrooms, large shrimp (eaten peeled), small brown shrimp (eaten whole), whelks (boiled in broth and eaten by plucking meat out of the shell). Not pictured - baguette and wine!

Photo taken by our new friend Liz.  Check her out on IG @lizzylinder