Booked: Dubai, Scuba, and Croatia

Fun news - I'm heading back to Dubai for a 2-week trip and then Sven and I are heading to Croatia for a little over a week.

Turns out that Steve and I have both been dreaming about Croatia for decades.  I became entranced when I was about 10 when I saw a PBS special on Plitvice Lakes.  And Sven's grandpa is from Croatia so it's always been on his bucket list.  So when the opportunity came up, we both jumped at the chance.

Plitvice!  Image from PopSugar.

So in a couple weeks I'll be happily soaking up some much-needed time with Sven, seeing friends, and finishing my scuba certification in Dubai.  Then we'll spend the week of our anniversary in Croatia.  Perrrrfect.

Based on what I see online, I'll probably take a photo that looks just like this one.  (Image from onestep4ward)

With all the humdrum (and wallowing) lately, I've forgotten what awesome things we're still doing and planning.  And this trip is definitely one of them!

Nope, Not Ready Yet

Last year I made the vow that 2016 would be the year we started itemizing our taxes (see here).  And I still plan to do that...I think.

But not today. I just filed Form 4868 because ain't nobody got time for that.  At least not me and my apathetic self.

Checking in - I'm still alive

I'm still alive...just not particularly motivated to do much of anything these days, including blogging.  I know that's basically what I say in all my posts lately, but meh.

A couple of you have sent messages asking if I'm still alive/okay/above water.  And the short answer is yes.  But it depends on how much you want to know, and whether you really mean the question you're asking.  Since we're all friends here (and I don't think I can or want to explain this more than a couple times), I'm just going to come right out with it.

A big part of me regrets coming back.

Dubai changed me in ways that I wasn't expecting and I'm just starting to really understand and feel the full effect of it all.  For one, my career means so much less to me than it did before.  So much of my self worth, esteem, and fulfillment used to be derived from my career.  I gave it my time, my focus, and my twenties.  It gave me a sense of purpose and belonging, a nice paycheck too.  But in Dubai all that disappeared and I was forced to find meaning and happiness on different terms.  It wasn't easy (see here) but I apparently did it.  Because now that I have my old life back (and more) ...and it's no longer anywhere near enough.

If you're a coworker and you're reading this...surpriiiiiise.

Even though I'm not particularly jazzed about my current situation, that's not to say that I wouldn't do it again.  Financial freedom is very important to me and it's something worth striving for - it's the only reason I came back.  And even though I carved out a new way of life and a new sense of meaning over there, it doesn't mean I am 100% free to live it (yet).  I am still beholden to the world I made for myself before the move, and there are obligations to be met.  So yeah - it wasn't the culture shock, the distance from loved ones, or even my career.  I came back for cold, hard, cash.

Being here without Steven is harder than I expected.  I thought I was used to being alone, and goodness knows I've moved to far away places by myself so many times before.  It was always exciting and full of promise, and even when it was difficult I felt like I was in the right place at the right time.  But this time, my soul has a mate and I've left him half a world away and it doesn't feel right and it doesn't feel timely.  I know it's temporary, and that we'll in a good spot when this is all over, and that I'm fortunate to even have the opportunities in front of me.  But even knowing all that, and even while feeling grateful for it, it's still a struggle to convince myself this is all worth it.

But aside from the existential crisis, I'm okay.  I'm working on digging myself out of this hole (or whatever it is), but it's not like I'm super sad and crying all the time.  Instead it's an oddly subtle and quiet feeling of general apathy that permeates everything, everyday.  And I can't (and don't want to) shake it.  Somehow I know this is feeling/understanding is important and not something I should sweep under the rug.  Sven and I are on the cusp of something life-changing and we just need to keep steady and see it through.  In the meantime, that means I take responsibility for own happiness in both the big and small scale.  And to remind myself of the simple truths I learned in Dubai.

So, in short - I'm changing but I'm okay.  It isn't easy, but like that old saying goes, "Nothing worth having ever is."  Things are moving, shaking, and happening - and it's all new territory for me.

So for now, it's just a different kind of struggle - one where I find meaningful (enough) pursuits to prevent the wallowing, stay on track to meet my financial goals so I can be freeeeeee, and keep my love moving forward across the globe while we wait for each other.

Lately: Cheers

Lately: Highlighter High

In completely trivial news, I finally bought some highlighter.  The makeup, not the office accessory (I've been fully stocked on the colorful pens for decades).

And in completely superficial terms, it's freaking fantastic.  I finally get the hype.

Of course, I have no idea how to use it properly so it's completely possible that I look like this:

But whatever.  It masks the tired eyes (they're baaaack) and it's awesome.

The end.

Life or Something Like It

I'm still here, but just trying to adjust to my new normal.

Just kidding, I'm fine.  I just like this gif so much I used it anyway.

But lately, my prevailing mood has been an overwhelming sense of "eh, maybe later."  It's hard to describe but life just feels a bit hollow - like I'm going through the motions but standing still.  And yes, I realize that's a totally self-fulfilling feeling - I'm doing nothing therefore I feel like I'm doing nothing.  

Most days I have just enough energy/willpower to take care of Phoebe and get through the work day.  But after my obligations are met, I basically switch to Netflix zombie mode.

And yeah, I know it's not that great for me.  But eh.

Eventually, I'll muster up the motivation to add more dimension to my current life.  Buuuuut...

I'm probably going to snap out of it soon.  I've started getting the urge to make more ambitious plans for the week ahead.  But then, of course, the week actually rolls around and I'm still in "meh" mode:

But I remember how cathartic blogging was in Dubai, so I figured it would help me to just get it written down.  I'm not even motivated enough to write a full post about it, but gif-land is always fun. 

And look!  Just like that I feel accomplished.  I just did something other than work, sleep, and take Phoebe to the dog park (the height of our social life lately).  

Lately: Another House?

Now that I'm back in Seattle for the foreseeable future, we're kinda-sorta-maybe looking to buy a house again. After paying a mortgage on the Gig Harbor house, paying rent for an apartment just feels so futile.  And since the prospectus for the area is so positive for the next 10+ years, we decided now is better than later.  My lease doesn't expire for another 6-ish months, but we've put a toe back in to the real estate market.

But you guys, this is crazy.

I started by re-educating myself about the market using current inventory and past comps.  And when I saw what it looks like, my first reaction was:

Prices have increased by like $100,000 across in the last 2 years.  So that took a while to get over (like 2 months).  I kept obsessively researching and apparently I have to read the same thing from about 120 different sources for me to half-heartedly accept that this is where things are at.  

But then I finally made a list of potential properties in multiple areas and starting looking at them one by one.

There were 7 houses (in 4 different neighborhoods) in my first list, and this is basically how looking at them went:

So I took a 2 week break while Steven and I re-assessed whether we really wanted to do this.  In the end, the answer was still yes.  But I had to give myself a little pep talk before making and seeing another list.

Going forward, I decided to work my way through one neighborhood at a time to keep it a little more focused.  But it didn't go very well and I was getting pretty discouraged by what I was seeing:

And then about a month ago, I went back to Gig Harbor for a visit.  

Since then, we've accepted that we'll be happiest on the west side of the Puget Sound.  That area really encapsulates what we love about living in the Puget Sound, and luckily for us it's a little more affordable.  So now we at least know the general area we'd like to stick to.

And we're continuing the hunt for a specific house or property.  But the more we look, the more we're coming around to the idea that our best option is to buy a few acres with a meh (okay, in most cases down-right shitty) house, tearing it down, and rebuilding.

It's a daunting idea, but relatively attractive considering our other options.  And maybe it's just this time of year, but I'm feeling a lot like I did a year ago when I was packing.

So there. In the space of the last 5 months I've gone from "omg I'm so bored in Dubai" to "maybe we'll just build a custom house on the Puget Sound."

Sounds about right.