Take me back

I miss being on vacation.

I miss really good truffle brie and foie gras and bulots.

But mostly, I miss my husband.

Photo credit: this awesome photo was taken by our new friend Liz. She's an American living in Europe and takes wonderful photos. She and her family have been living abroad for a long time now, and I just really loved hearing her stories and perspective on life.  Follow her on IG at @lizzylinder or @brandotheiggy to see what I mean!

Fresh Face, Fun Mornings

I stopped wearing makeup...like, any at all.  I've gone about my life (including work!) for 2 whole weeks completely bare-faced, and it's really impacting the way I see/feel about myself.

A couple years ago, I started noticing that lots of the women I know and work with were ditching makeup and going au naturale.  And at the time my only thought was:

But in Dubai I had a lot more time for introspection. I knew I wasn't confident enough to feel completely at ease without makeup, and I didn't like that about myself.  But for various reasons, Dubai is not the kindest place to suddenly stop wearing makeup in public. So while I continued my inner dialogue about my self esteem, I was still going through my morning makeup routine.  

Fast forward nearly 2 years later, and I'm in a different place - mentally, emotionally, and globally.  I've done a lot of work to be a more "whole" person, and to feel content and happy with all the other parts of myself.  And long story short, our recent France trip was just the push I needed.  The trip uplifted me in such amazing ways - most importantly, reinforcing that I am enough, just as I am.

I know that's an incredibly simple statement, but it's a powerful one too. And these days, I'm really feeling it and am trying to live by it. So 2 Fridays ago, I stopped wearing makeup. I know that I don't need it, and I was willing to push myself to really get comfortable showing everyone what I am without it. 

So I did it and it's been two whole weeks.  And you guyyyyyyyyyys - it's amazing!  

One interesting and awesome side effect is that my mornings have been soooo much better. Logistically, I get an extra 20 mins each morning and I am fully utilizing it for a little extra sleep, or to sit and peacefully drink my coffee before leaving for work. And throughout the day, I feel so liberated and confident about being totally bare-faced. But what I didn't expect was how much happier my mornings would feel - it's like a mini party every time I remember I don't have to put on makeup. It's a fantastic way to start to my day. 

The end. (i.e. it's past my bedtime).

Snow and Snuggles

It's snowing (a teeny bit) in Seattle this weekend.  So naturally, I ditched my plans (I actually had some if you can believe it), lit a fire, roasted chestnuts, and snuggled with the Pheebs all weekend.

My entire life should be this cool.

Happy Halloween and Harvest Table

So many of you have been dressing up, going to parties, and/or taking the kids trick or treating. I love seeing all the photos and videos. Keep them coming!  I especially love seeing what each of the kids chose for a costume - it's such a hilarious and insightful glimpse into their little souls.

I came home feeling so inspired after the Manger workshop that I promptly went out and bought too much squash for one person and piled it all on the dining table. And then I moved the veggies from the back counter to the dining table as well, and it's a big ol' food party all the time.   

Seeing this produce bounty brings me joy in such a simple and visceral way.  Perhaps it's because I'm so drawn to well-sourced whole food, or because I feel so strongly about it, or that it reminds me of the cooking possibilities that lie ahead, or just because it's kinda pretty in a rustic way.  Whatever the combinations of reasons, I freaking love it.

Over the last week and a half, I've been making my way through the pile in the most delicious ways I can imagine: garlicky breakfast potatoes using homegrown rose fingerlings and duck fat that I rendered a few days prior, Kuri gnocchi with a brown butter and sage sauce, a variety of roasted root vegetables (some from my own garden) drizzled with homemade vinaigrette, chicken puttanesca using the last of my summer tomatoes, and of course lots of pumpkin soup.

This is what makes me happy.  So this is what I'm filling my dining table and time with this Autumn.

What about you?

illustration by Keith Ward for MotherEarthNews

Lately: Working after vacation

Coming back to work after my 2 week break was a bit of a mixed bag.  The trip allowed me to clear my head as I disconnected from the stressors of my daily life (about 90% work).  It took about a week(ish) for the fog of work to really fade away but afterwards I felt like I could see myself, Steven, and our life together with such clarity and appreciation.

Fog/shower steam, same diff

And simultaneously, the togetherness and the vacation itself filled me with all the things I adore.  It felt like my head and my heart were emptied of everything that weighed on me, and filled it with everything that lifts me up.  It was incredible.  

And then I came back full of optimism and at peace with my new-found clarity.  I went to work curious about the changes to the work itself, but still feeling the soothe of vacation.  

Monday morning

But when I said I cleared my mind, apparently I *really* did it.  I put all the details about my job on a rusty shelf in a back corner of my brain and then locked it a windowless room...and then ditched the keys in some other, known part of my brain.  

And as I reacquainted myself the old stressors showed up again, too.  But I tried to hold on to every last ounce of vacation sanity and I kept reminding myself of what's really important.  

"This is not important.  This is not important."

But that's a funny process because it involves some weird combination of me trying to stay Zen while trying to relearn everything at a dizzying pace.  And of course, my familiar malady of trying too hard to be good at things (even the ones I don't want) haunts me still.  So depending on exactly where I am in that journey, my inner dialogue is pretty varied.

When my people-pleasing, goody-two-shoes, habitual self clouds my judgment:

When I realize it:

And also realize this is the pace of my work-life:

But try to remember "This is not important"

When I achieve mental clarity mid-workday and see through all the shenanigans (and my complicit role in them)

For this weekend, my Sunday mantra:

Travel: France in Fall - sneak peek

I'm savoring every last memory, new friend, and photo from this trip. When I came back my heart was so full and my head so grounded and I really want to hold on to that for as long as possible. So I've been reminding myself of the goodness I felt every day since coming back.

One of those good things was being forced - partly by the lack of cellular, partly/gently by Sven - to unplug entirely from work and random web distractions. I still took a few snaps and shared a couple things online during the trip, but it was fairly sporadic. If you follow my Snap (heathmo.grizz) or IG (@oohheather) you may have noticed the sound of crickets. In the moments it was a combination of being too interested in the activity or company to bother, and during the lulls I was intentionally trying to break my habitual and half-hearted phone patterns. I'm trying to be more fully present in my real life by doing more outside of work, giving people and pursuits my full attention, and taking fewer meaningless photos (it just becomes mind clutter). Sometimes that means I end up not sharing anything at all (ahem, silent blog), and sometimes it means I'm sharing long after the time has passed. But in the constant struggle to re-prioritize and re-time my life, it's helping me.

But anyway, here's a smattering of photos for a sneak peek.  They're not the best photos - some are blurry and I haven't really edited them.  But I'm less concerned about that than I used to be.  The moment is shared because it was lovely and I cherished it.  And that can be enough.

Our Airbnb for the first week - a charming house in the middle of all the vineyards (and fog).

So much goodness.  And blurry, but whatev.

In Paris I couldn't resist getting a variety from the markets.  We ate it just like this - picking at it with our fingers from a towel spread on our hotel bed.  It was marvelous.  Clockwise from top - figs, semi-dried tomatoes, butter (is life), tinned octopus, bresaola (air-dried, salted beef), baguette, magret de canard (smoked Moulard duck), grapes.

Our last dinner of the trip.  Clockwise from top - foie gras, roasted peppers, chorizo, herbed goat cheese, roasted & herbed mushrooms, large shrimp (eaten peeled), small brown shrimp (eaten whole), whelks (boiled in broth and eaten by plucking meat out of the shell). Not pictured - baguette and wine!

Photo taken by our new friend Liz.  Check her out on IG @lizzylinder

Booked: Southern France

Tonight is Sven's last night in Seattle(ish) after spending 2 weeks here with Phoebe and I.  Needless to say, we've all got the feels.

But it's a little easier knowing we'll be together again next month -- in France!

We booked a 3-day cooking class/wine trip near Bordeaux last summer (which feels like a lifetime ago) and I've been anxiously awaiting its arrival.  We had no idea when we booked that we'd be living oceans apart, and the timing is kind of horrendous for work, but whatever.  I'm excited and I can't wait to cook and eat all the delicious food, drink all the wine, see the chateaus, and stumble through French words with hopeless pronunciation -- all with Steven.