Here's to 2018

It's New Year's Day and I am cooking yummy things, perusing my holiday road trip photos, researching things I want to learn, and comforting my crazy dog in her never-ending war against the squirrels.  Each of these things make me happy (except the squirrels - that shit sucks) and they're helping to compartmentalize the Steven-shaped hole in my heart.

Over the holidays almost all of you asked questions about our plans for this year (and beyond).  Each year we get the same questions and every year we answer similarly: we're working towards a couple big goals together and the rest is meh. We don't know how long Steven is going to stay in the UAE or if/when we'll have kids. We don't know what career choices he'll make when he comes back. We don't know if/when we'll buy another house. We don't know where we'll finally choose to "settle" or if we'll ever really do that. And we really don't mind the questions (you're curious and you care) but I think our "we don't know" answer really perplexes both our families.

I know you all think we're really weird (and we are). Our life doesn't look the same as most others and we can't tell you where it will be in 5 years, 10 years, or when we're 60. And we're cool with that. What I can tell you is that we have a strong commitment to each other and creating the life we both really want -- each and every day. For the most part, that means creating the opportunities we each want the most as we learn those parts of ourselves/each other, embracing the spontaneous ones that come our way, and giving ourselves/each other the room to change. The rest...we'll just have to see.

F. Scott Fitzgerald put a similar(ish) sentiment in his story, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, and right now it's the best explanation that comes to mind (plus, I love this snippet):

For whatever it's worth: it's never too late, or in my case too early, to be whoever you want to be.  There's no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.

Paraphrased in gif-land as:

But, it's New Years Day and I feel like proclaiming!  So may 2018 be the year that:

1. Steven and I start living under the same roof again,
2. I embrace the things that scare me about starting something new, 
3. I read all the books I'm longing for,
4. I balance all my cooking inspirations with not having 10,000 random ingredients on hand all the time, and
5. Phoebe makes peace with all the squirrels (highly unlikely).

Not exactly resolutions but more like a combination of "THIS SHALL BE" (No. 1), "I would like this and will probably prioritize my life as such" (No. 2 & 3), "I don't really care about this but Steven has been asking and he has a very valid point and I like him a lot" (No. 4), and pure fantasy (No. 5).

Happy New Year.  Love you.