A Belonging I Can't Place

I drove to Gig Harbor yesterday and I can't decide whether it was a good or bad idea.  While it was wonderful to revisit our former little town, it also left me with a sense of longing that I wasn't expecting.  I drove around the familiar streets, took in the familiar sights, and talked to some of our friends/neighbors, and couldn't help feeling like maybe I belonged in this sleepy little town full of boats, trees, retirees, crazy squirrels, and laid-back deer.  And that's just not something I was prepared for.

This might be a first.  I've never been attached to a particular house, town, or location of any kind.  Sure, there have been a few in the past that I really liked - but none have made my heart swell and my bones ache at the same time.  But I should point out - I don't feel like I don't belong in other places. It's more that I don't think/feel/consider "belonging" as a physical concept.  That is, until quite suddenly yesterday...I felt it.  

What. Is. Happening.

And now a day later, the more I think about it the bluer I become.  People have always been my only anchors, not places.  And as I try to explore my surprising emotions, I know that so much of it is inextricably tied to how much I miss Steven.  I think Gig Harbor was the first place where we've both been really happy (as opposed to him hating LA, me hating Vegas, and both of us being ambivalent to Belltown), and that satisfaction with our surroundings made everything a little sparklier (is that a word?)  What I can't separate right now is whether I feel this way because I miss our quaint little town, the happy little life we built there, or just simply Steven.  I have a feeling it's all three rolled into a giant, heart-stopping, triple-whammy.  And either way, it hit me like a ton of bricks and I've spent my day trying to avoid the creeping sadness.

Note to self: it's not that helpful to look at photos of your missing loves when trying to "keep it together"

But distraction is the key to compartmentalization, or at least it is for me. So first I tried hunting for some new neighborhoods that are gaining popularity and a lot closer to work.  Long story short - I hated all 3 of them.  Strike one.

Second, I went to an RV dealership to look at travel trailers because I don't know.  Strike two.  

And then finally, I fell back on my tried-and-true reliance on culinary therapy.  One grocery trip and 6 hours later, I have a pot of homemade Korean oxtail soup.  Of course, now it's after midnight and I'm just going to bed without eating any.  But that's okay, mission more or less accomplished.  The effort was distraction enough to keep me from going off the deep end.  And perhaps coming home to something yummy tomorrow will make my day a little brighter.  It's the little things, right?

Image and recipe: HipFoodieMom

Before I crawl into bed, here's a little cuteness from a couple years ago in Gig Harbor.

I'm disregarding what I said earlier about not looking at things I miss.  Oh, and there was probably a squirrel behind me.

Goodnight.

Lately: zzzzzz

Current mood:

Image credit: ohgigue

I'm eating cooking videos for dinner

It's dinnertime on Sunday and I'm hungry.  But instead of procuring food, I'm blogging.  I started out reading cooking articles and videos online for some dinner inspiration, and somehow ended up just watching without cooking.  Eh.

Lately, I've been living off ready to eat meals and deli counter food, which is so unlike me.  But with everything in flux and how completely exhausting it is to be back in the office (how did I ever do this?), cooking has taken a backseat.  Even when I've had time and the groceries, I just haven't had the energy or desire.  After a month passed with no change in feelings, I started to wonder if I was ever going to want to cook again.  Was I turning a new page in my life...perhaps a kitchen-less one?

But today, I woke up feeling like my old self again and spent most of the day cooking and immersing myself in Mimi Thorisson's French Country Cooking (thanks Shawn and Kt!)  And I've gotta say, it was a pretty fantastic day.  Amongst other things, I made a crustless quiche to eat for lunch this week and a big ol' pot of homemade Arrabiata.

Photo from Mimi Thorisson's website

But dinner, not so much.  I tried to be adventurous, and combined my homemade Arrabiata with these tofu shirataki noodles that I picked up the other day. It wasn't good, not even a little (I blame the tofoodles).  It wasn't bad per se, but the texture just didn't do it for me.  The fact that the tofoodles kept perspiring probably didn't help either.  In the end, I ate about 5 bites before putting it down to look at yummier food on the internet instead.  It's probably going to be a while before I try that again, but I'm sure next time I'll do a little more research beforehand.

But while browsing yummier food online, I got stuck in a carb loop. And of course, I'm sharing:







And this scrumptious concoction is my favorite for the night.  It has so many ingredients I love - morels, asparagus, cheese, gnocchi, and butter!


Of course, I probably won't be making any of these dishes tonight.  Especially since I've now spent 90 minutes watching videos and blogging.  Hard boiled eggs for dinner?


Note: When I first started making Arrabiata, I followed this recipe.  Over time, my sauce has morphed into entirely my own thing, but this was where I started.  Now I use fresh tomatoes instead of canned, drastically reduced the onions because Steve isn't very fond of them, use only a little garlic because I want the tomatoes to be the star, fancy up the salt, and I prefer the flavor (i.e. swift kick in the gut) of fresh little Thai peppers over traditional red pepper flakes.

2017: The Year of Air Miles

This year, we'll spend a lot more time in the air.  If all goes according to plan (which never exactly happens but usually close enough), Sven and I will be flying all over the world every couple months to spend time together.

Add the extra travel to see family plus a little more for work, and I'll be on a plane at least once a month. I know that really isn't a lot compared to some of my colleagues that fly out and back every week, but it's certainly a step up from the last few years.

And of course, this includes Phoebe.  While we won't fly her back and forth with us on trips (but I would if I could) she's still getting some miles in this year too.  Last February, she flew from Seattle to Dubai and now she'll do it again to come join me in Ballard.  In just under 2 weeks, my furry babe will make the 7,400+ mile trek back to the land of rain, woods, beaches, and happy pups.

Photo credit: Sven!

But until then, I'm going to savor these aerial photos I took last weekend.  I don't know if we flew lower than normal (possible since it was a teeny plane), or if the snow just made everything more interesting to look at.  But I couldn't stop staring out the window at everything below.

These photos aren't the greatest, but I wanted to share anyway.  I hope you enjoy seeing the world from up high as much as I did.

I am not sure if this is snow or thick cloud coverage.  It's cloud, right?

This tree line was so interesting - so long, straight, and abrupt. It reminds me of the aerial views of the border between Israel and Egypt.

Snowy Portland

Sunset over the south Puget Sound was breath-taking.  It reminded again me why we love this place so much.  And made me want to buy another house way too far south.

Seattle skyline.  It's not for everyone, but we think this place is pretty great.

Happy 2017

All things considered, 2016 was a wonderful year for us - full of adventure, excitement, and love. Together we moved, we traveled, we learned, and we grew.  And that's more than either of us asked for when 2016 started (we were just hoping for a bit of adventure).  So on this first day of 2017, I'm wildly optimistic about the days to come. 

And to top it all off, I got lucky with work and was able to fly back to Dubai for Christmas.  With all the hustle of the last couple months, it was really nice to just relax at home with my two loves.

We took 5 photos and this was the best one.  It's us and I like it.

Same crazy Phoebe.

And of course, Christmas in Dubai wouldn't be complete without lizards in the house.

But as airline tickets go, I had to fly back to Seattle on New Years Eve.  I was bracing myself for a rather long and uncomfortable flight in coach but ended up getting a complimentary upgrade to business.

The flight was so fantastic it might have ruined me forever.  

On a 14+ hour flight it made a huge difference.  After a couple glasses of rose champagne and an excellent breakfast, I was sound asleep on the flat-folding seat.  I slept a total of 8 hours (two 4hr spurts) and it was blissful.

I felt so good when I landed in Seattle, that I dropped off my luggage and went to buy a car.  I've been obsessively searching for months and I knew the exact one I wanted.  One $75 Lyft ride (OMG), and 3 hours later - Happy New Year to me!

4Runner bliss

After all the car buying excitement, I got home around 10:30pm on New Years Eve.  And I rang in the new year like this: 

And now it's nearly midnight on January 1st and I'm sitting on the couch, jet-lagged, blogging, and watching another crime drama (The Kettering Incident).  Sounds about right.

Happy New Year to you all.  Love you.